I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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