Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
