Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
