meet me or not, i'm out of control
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize