to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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