You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize