I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
