Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
