In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
