while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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