I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
