Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
