Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
