I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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