I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
