Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
