Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
