if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
