um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize