Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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