once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
