Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
