you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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