and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize