i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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