Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i dont even know how to be here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
