I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
did i just pee glitter
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
