We need to rekindle our bromance
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
