Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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