Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
