I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
NoShamevember. You game?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
