I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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