fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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