okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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