until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize