Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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