Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
