Swine flu. Run for my life!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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