we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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