4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
