I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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