So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
do herpes really smell.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
