Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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