And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the day after is always just damage control
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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