when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This baby is an asshole
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
