I'm so fucking centered right now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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