Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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