In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
In America we eat man semen.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
