just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
