Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
