Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
As shirtless as possible
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize