Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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