How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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