I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
