i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
