I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
