I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize