I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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