I'm laying in your front yard are you home
honey bunches of taint.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
