if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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