Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
