Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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