there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
