woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So many bounce houses so little time
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
