I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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