Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
