i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
