There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
