I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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