Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
