he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
