Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
