I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
