So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
