I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
