I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize