hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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