kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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