I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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