I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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