If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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