Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
