How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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