just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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