Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
