Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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