I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
