tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
