I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
