belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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