Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
