we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
