u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
