I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
