I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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