i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
