Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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