my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
