I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
