I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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