Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
