I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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