I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
