Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
