apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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