Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
