I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
should my penis look like a turkey
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
